A Child's Self Esteem

Most of us can remember what it was like growing up, and very few of us probably had the best self esteem, which is essential for survival in our world today. Children who feel good about themselves are happier and often handle conflicts better than those who have low self esteem, who often harbor anxiety and exhibit signs of frustration.

Research shows us that children who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems and they also may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed. Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response typically is "I can't."

I did a little poking around on the Internet on the topic of self-esteem and here's what I found. Self esteem is the collection of beliefs or feelings that we have about ourselves, or our "self-perceptions." How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment.

Patterns of self-esteem start very early in life -- like if a toddler does something like standing up after trying dozens of times - he or she experiences a sense of accomplishment, and that bolsters self-esteem. A child can try, fail, then try again, and then finally succeed which focuses on capabilities and they are developing a self-concept based on interactiion and the responses of others.

The bottom line is that it is really important for a child to have parental and adult involvement for them for form healthy self-perceptions - i.e. self esteem. We see this all the time at the educational organizations that I work with - and you can learn more at http://www.roccobasile.org/ where I post news and information on educational trends.

Children of the City in Brooklyn, New York has become masterful at helping kids with low self esteem. Here's just one of many examples: Volunteers Robert and Maritza Fred (left) have three biological children, plus they have helped to raise over 25 foster children, several of whom they have legally adopted.

"We always tell the kids that their mom is just tired and we’re here to help her out until she is better,” when the kids miss their Moms. Maritza organizes her day and the household chores around her first priority, spending quality time with all of the children. When the kids come home from school Robert takes them to the park. Later it’s time to sit around the kitchen table with Maritza to do homework, read and talk about their day. The Freds treat all of the children equitably, making them feel safe and secure.

This is a perfect example of people helping to build the self esteem of less fortunate children, because self-esteem is also defined as the combination of feelings of capability with feelings of being loved. A child who is happy with an achievement but does not feel loved may have low self-esteem.

Here are some signs of good and bad self-esteem:

1) A child who has low self-esteem may not want to try new things.
2) Low self esteem can be seen in children who exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over.
3) Low self esteem shows up in a child who is overly critical and easily disappointed in themselves.
4) Kids with low self-esteem often see temporary setbacks as permanent.
5) A child who has healthy self-esteem tends to enjoy interacting with others.

It is important that parents and adults help set standards for children so they will be more realistic in evaluating themselves and ultimately have healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to a child. Spontaneous and affectionate behavior - like hugs - helps children develop good self esteem. And most of all, tell a child you're proud of him or her and provide positive, accurate feedback.

Create a safe, nurturing home environment. A child who does not feel safe or is being abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. Always remember to respect children.

Source: Kids Health.org